wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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