apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
