Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
