Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
