Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
