The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
