I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
