There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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