Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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