i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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