i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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