having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
