Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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