I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
