I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
