Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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