he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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