Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
