Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
