@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
