Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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