I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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