I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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