I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize