Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
