i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
