Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
