Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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