Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
