I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
