Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
