Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
