You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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