I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
