Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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