Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
