Well douche your snatch and let's go!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
