Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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