So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
