My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
