I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
