U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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