I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
