She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
