only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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