I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
