a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
