his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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