I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
