sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
