Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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