We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
