I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
