you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
