Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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