Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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