So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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