i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
