2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
