I just saw a hot homeless man
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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