I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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