So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
