I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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