doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
