so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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