I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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