go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
