how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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