dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
