is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
