once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
