She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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