I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
