Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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