I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize